she tends to ask questions at times
one question being:
"do you think you'll ever get bored with me?"
my answer as always:
"never!"
i answer with such ferver at times
truthfully meaning it
i only foresee a great future ahead for us
although bumpy at times
we have a present and a future
and definitely had a past
but for the first time she admitted
to being bored with me
i guess i never thought to flip the question on her...

i think it is amazing
one's perception of a question
how varied the response can be
but how much does one take the time
to mull over that question
if any doubt, even ask questions to better understand
the original question
versus
simply responding

no.
i never want you to feel as if you have to 'report' or check in with me.
that is not who i am.
i asked for something you ask of me, showing that you care.
and think of how hurt i was, as you would have been if i had done the same to you.


as my congested heart beats faintly
salty water trickles around
my veins
my half opened eyes
take in such hurt
with great misery
ready for a wide opened grave
why a loved one would be as such
words cutting into my soul
pushing me to confusion
raising my voice
confusion
questioning her
but then comes her denial
of such
and then i am blamed
for similar pain
when meanwhile my efforts
to care
are easily brushed aside
blown away into the night
like scattered ashes
although, those are to be released
thus comes the next hurtful set of words
"you may do whatever you wish"
as uncaring and cold as that sounds
as if wanting for me to be released
then why do i still try to show you
that i am more than your friend, no less
and not your enemy
and each time, my own words
crumble
against your heavy armor
and when that does not work
i stay silent
uncertain
then comes your impatience
your words
and you predict
time without us
whereas one would assume
after all this hurt
you would look forward to
returning to each other
but no
and we continue
in a lull
where i am again,
mistrusted and feeling unwanted by you...

s.m.