a looong time...

so a looong looong time ago, i wrote in this blog...a lot. i'm thinking that a new take on life/new journey also means putting this blog to rest and beginning a new one. i'll work on that shortly ;o)

for all that it is worth, thanks to this particular blog of mine, for serving as my safe space, allowing me to vent and to be the open person i have much difficulty being out in the real world...

s.m.
02-07-10

...

'sad'
seems so plain
so mundane

what would qualify as beyond sad
the endless tears
the lack of fight
and more flight

what would be deeper than sad
numbness
me...

s.m.

19 ways...

19 ways i love thee...

1. i wake up knowing i dreamt of you
2. if i did not dream of you, i still think of you first before allowing myself to rise up
3. your words talk me through my morning routine (and my whole day, actually)
4. i listen for the vibrating sound from my cell--or a new message from you in my email each morning
5. i rush to send you a good morning email
6. then i race against time to send you an 'i made it to work safely' email
7. i love our mid-day check-ins
8. i may mention or talk about you throughout my day to others
9. i love imitating your voice and mannerisms whether in my mind or in front of you
10. i worry about you..whether you've eaten, dressed properly for the weather, had a good/bad day
11. i wonder if your body needs healing
12. i wonder if your mind needs a rest
13. my train ride home consists of random thoughts, but always includes you, leaving me wishing for more
14. i daydream again of things like coming home to you--to our home
15. i i drive afterwards, completing my journey by constantly checking if you have sent a text or may call
16.i look forward to telling you i made it back home safely and what i plan to do next
17. i look forward to reading if you have had dinner, are relaxing, reading, washing dishes
18. i cherish you during our nightly talks, pretending you are here, then take you to bed with me
19. i pray for you

Happy 19th, my love...
~S.

the 18th...

a smile
a look
a roar
things i adore...

your unconditional love
touch
mind
all mine...

i am yours
'till we are no more
and if possible
even beyond

i am grateful for
and cherish
our time
together

what we have now
what we shall have in our future
so keep praying
and keep believing...

happy anniversary, love
s.m.

tonight...

my day will be complete
my mind, free
my smile, pleased
once i see my baby...

s.m.

Thank you...

for being my other half
my confidante
the one who makes me laugh

thank you...

for being my number one fan
my loving youngbuck
the one who broadens my attention span

thank you...

for being my life-line
my jaan
mine...

Happy Anniversary,
S.

...

when you miss her
it pains a great deal
from the depths of your being
beyond pictures or words you are reading
beyond lips and hips and the teasing
from the depths of my being

when you miss her
it pains a great deal
causing you to lose focus and sense of time
feeling low and not in line
accused of some ludacrous crime
but you are mine

when you miss her
it pains a great deal
wanting the harshness to end and either forget or forgive her
but either way, you want her for as long as you shall live
so pensive
so much left for me to share and give...

when you miss her
it pains a great deal
because the connection has been temporarily severed
and you are screaming out hoping God does not make it last forever...
please, when thinking of us, never say never
ever...

s.m.