heal me...

while i close my tired eyes
and curl my lonely legs
my knees touch my chest
arms and hands--for you, they beg

but alas for now
i hope to dream away
of you and i
on better days

i can make out your figure now
as you come to me
amidst chaos and the world
you somehow still find me

and i am reassured
that i will be able to sleep
because you are in my thoughts
and in your love , i fall so deep....

s.m.

not enough...

wonder if i will always be
not enough...

waiting...

there is intermittent chatter and answers
of calls and questions and some banter

there are waves of warmth and then cold drafts
the air condition villian blows dust in my face and laughs

i resist the temptation to sneeze
squeeze my eyes shut tight and then go to work on my knees

the pain remains while i massage away
more to follow at night rather than during the day

the seconds and minutes grow
the hours snap back at me, "i know, i know!"

i look to my left to check on the 'crisis caller champ'
then to the window only to see that it is cloudy and damp

i take a sip of my soda and with a sleepy sigh i wait
take another call, think about tonight's plans and on how not to be late...

s.m.

i can't....

waaaaaait!!!

thank you for planning today out....
;o)

5...

and now we near number five
although still feels as if it has been much longer
as if centuries ago, our love had first arrived

and what if this were true
whatever form we inhabited
our souls were never new

what if the passion for one another
not only surpassed time
but the innate uniqueness of one another

what have we learned or have yet to
through our love travel
where have we been and where must we get to

with centuries more to go
happy number five
i am hoping this charged love will only continue to grow...

s.m.

more than...

when does happiness begin
does it have to leave
once reality settles in?

what is reality then
is it the opposite
of the high one feels from happiness then?

what is that high one achieves
the result of cupid's arrow
or a mixture of that and connection and needs?

what is the meaning of connection
is it more than just being happy
is it more than just an attraction?

what comes after such attraction
especially if there are great differences
perhaps then comes the evolution of happiness and reality, connections and attraction...

for now...

i am not there
at this moment with you
but i would love to be

whether hidden
huddled
under a canopy

or on fire
pressed against each other
for the world to see

whether comforted
by pure bliss
as we kiss deeply

or barely able
to contain ourselves
escaping banality

i am not there
at this moment
so rest my lovely

rest for now
and remember my love
can carry you patiently

dream smiles for now
and remember me
yours truly...

s.m.

stream....

random
tick tock
slurp up
lukewarm
glass
ice cold
pillow vs puter
book vs dream
shiver
tomorrow
yesterday
no door
sad
lost
missing
type
clean up
waiting
close eyes
open eyes...

s.m.

dream/amma...

so i had a dream about you last night
the kind that had my mind in turmoil and working
for through this dream, i gained some insight
into my fears for you, after they'd been in me, lurking...

you were in a new place
yet, not so new as i could see the coconuts and hear the crows
a new body and somewhat younger face
yet, not so new as old age goes

there were others, familiar but not clear
only you stood out
your sense of urgency , purged my fear
as i watched you stare at me with confusion and doubt

i talk about having 'phantom pains'
as soon as you are in trouble
and thinking about your torture would drive me insane
whatever you felt, i almost felt double

so in my dream
there you were, not being able to say much
tears about to puncture your skin it seemed
taking note of your decreasing mobility and such

you took a look at your hands and feet
and as if i read your mind
i felt for you, an incredible loss of identity
what next, wold you become completely paralyzed?

i stood there trying to take in all of your heartache
strengthening myself to carry you
for you, i could not forsake
and i woke up praying for this fear of mine to spare you...

s.m.

clarity, please...

my arms feel heavy, as if i'd been lifting weights for days
my legs, as if i've been running for hours from some unknown dark force

what will release me from my haze
i tried to fight, but then ended up letting it run it's course

i let myself go and rest for some time just now
crazy how i am awake though, more lost than before

left with dreams and thoughts my mind will allow
wishing there was a way to find an easy detour

how can pain feel so physical, after having been emotional first
how do i erase the negativity

i would like to chase away the demons, the unwanted thirst
i wish to begin with some clarity...

s.m.

anticipating
longing
build up
secret moments
love
satisfaction
comforting
home
confusion
back down to 30 %
lost...

s.m.

little things...

i sent a text
because i want to be the best

you love your group
and i wanted you to be in the loop

as soon as i heard their name
my eyes widened and i said HEEEYYY!!

hence the text i sent
hoping that it showed you what i meant

about the little things i'd like to do
the little things i'd do for you...

s.m.