part of life...

although i know
the aging process
is part of life
it is difficult, very much so
for the caregiver to watch
and live with
to get past the sadness, the pain, the helplessness
and simply continue to be there for that person

it was hard today, i will admit
to watch you suffer
to catch those moments
where you wince, close your eyes, hold in the pain

my breath was stolen during each of those moments
when you held your neck
after slightly turning
to say hello to a friend
and you realized you turned too fast

when you needed to cough and grab some water
as food had gotten stuck in your throat yet again

when you tried to straighten out your cramping fingers
unable to cut up your own food

when you walked looking down every 5 seconds
afraid of tripping or falling

when you kept your arms out a little bit when walking
afraid of losing your balance

when you do lose that balance
and do all that you can to keep yourself
and your dignity up

this is truly only the beginning

Lord give me strength to be there for her
during the times when she will need me
ask me for help
and also for the times like now
when she fights, says she is ok
and not handicapped in any way

stubbornness sure runs through our veins mother...

s.m.