mother...

so you have returned
and although a part of you is dying to
go back
to your new home
in your old land
another part of you
tells you to stay
you worry so much
and pray so hard
for me
i probably do not feel any other's pain
as i have felt yours
perhaps considering the fact that a lot of it
is regarding myself
perhaps it is due to the fact that
we are beyond connected
beyond you having given birth to me
as even today
we had a moment, yet again
where i was thinking of something
and there you stated out loud to others
the very same thing--at the very same moment
it was a question and thought more
random
rather than routine
and even though i was at peace with more proof
of our connection
i was also disturbed by it
for there is one thing in my mind
which i have held for so long about myself
longing to tell you at times
fearing to tell you at times
thus i wondered today
what else can you read from me?
what else have you picked up on me
have i shamed you?
i am sure i already have
but how about even more than what is to be expected?
do you know?
are you in denial?
perhaps you do not have a clue
and are just confused
day in and day out
a constant dull pain
throughout your system
when my name, face or presence enters
your heart...

s.m.